Son that I love,

 I watch you (now a young man)  and.. I just… you know… want to say that at the moment, you are very worthy of the skin you walk in every day which warms the ever living shit out of my heart 

Anyway, allow me to speak candidly (I mean, I am typing and can just as well continue, but it’s always polite to ask isnt it?)

Remember when we used to watch tv, and someone on-screen would do something annyoing and I’d give you a life lesson type lecture about right vs wrong?

OK – im not going to do that, definitely-mabey-not!

I’ve just become concerned you know – about what people call Gentlemen. I know so few gentle-males these days and wonder how it went from this to simply  Duuude or Dudebrah!  It can’t be that half our male populas just isn’t being raised right surely?  Err….  perhaps modern pressures / millenial-infliction somehow gives an alarming number of men a grandious sense of self and very little afterthought or sense of responsibility. A sort of Peter-pan syndrome. We chatted about this remember. I was pissed that I couldn’t patent the phrase last week.

Perhaps it’s been around for an age, this  “I am an island and can do what I like crap” and I didn’t notice because we were playing spiderman before this but, fan.my.fucking.brow – there is an epidemic of recalcitrant-man-boys at the moment! The world is going into the shitter! Like im not judging (ok – I SO AM) but its more just.. concern.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to become the male version of Adele or a youth pastor singing kumbaya or anything,  but you know… Just please don’t do shit that makes good humans give you the middle finger.

Like -  there is so much social-posturing bullshit going around, its like free candy at halloween (speaking of haloween, are you going to a party?) Sorry – where was I? 

Oh – you know, the Guchi-flip-flop -2 chains  /  surfer-boy-till-I’m- eighty type stuff.

The thing about this is ‘fake it until you make it’  and is very true. Your mind starts to wrap around that persona you know? Be an individual - not a poster boy for a dysfunctional society where people can sum you up in 2 seconds and put a label on who you are. On that note, i'm not entirely sold on the “if its not on tight, its not on right,”  or the manbun, colourful socks and ‘what not to do with a razor’ loads of facial hair but hey – no stranger will ever be able to sum you up right off the bat. YOU DO YOU baby! 

I also want you to know that you have a ‘free pass’ Not to be a willing idiot mind you – but we all do stuff we are not proud of, none of us have reached enlightenment and that’s ok.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up going FML! But the thing is that (the situation) is not your final answer and you CAN call a friend (or your mama) however lame that sounds. But seriously. I don’t care how far from grace you fall. Lets put the situation on the table, unpack the crap out if it and find solutions. I never want to be that mother who walks round oblivious to her own blood. You ARE me and I want to KNOW you. Like you will never get a pony or Llama if you crash into someones car after a heavy party night but you’ll get a ‘care-frontation’, a trip to the hospital and car-doctor and depending on the severity of the problem, I’ll hold your hand through a few “round circle plastic chair AA Meetings” but I’LL BE THERE!!! We all will! You have a family  and never have to go through shit in large groups of 1. Never. Regardless of how bad it sounds, I've prolly already done it . twice.  I have my wrinkles for a reason. The 'WTF were you thinking'  will always come after finding the solution and remedying as far as possible.

Now here’s one I battle with too (I really do like fermented grapes) but duuude, alcahol really does break-your-brain. (I am  too right in this!!!)  Just please keep a charged phone (with airtime) and some cash in your bum-pocket and uber home! Then lots of water.  I like just have to say – for the love of all things holy – please choose your company wisely . Things can cluster-fuck very quickly when you are not with like-minded humans. Again – expert advise. Look at me, in deep-africa with a boxer puppy! (doing the sign of the cross) – I rest my case – AMEN!

Girls (don’t roll your eyes like that young man) SO apparently you’ve been single for a while, and that loosly translates into “mom, im not telling you shit”  which is fine, like I can get on-bard with that. But again baby – so complex a topic will never fit into what started as a brief note (lol) But please – stay respectful. Stay sober minded when you are with one, and take care. Take great care. So many men don’t anymore. Take her out on a date, get the damn flowers, see her home safely and if sexy-times happen (cuff the carrot until you put a ring on it).  And be honest (why is this so hard these days?) like never lie – lies are for people who fear consequences so just be REAL buddy – true? 

They are exhausting (Women I mean), mercurial and high maintenance (But low maintenance is whats forgettable right?) and if she’s low maintenance and buckles too easily – err.. can you spell STD? (im just saying!) 

I get that you’re young  and the dopamine-secreting neurons in your brain often go - "Woo-wee, wouldja look at the jugs on that chick!"  

But please don’t become the guy that doesn’t search for a connection and who only searches for temporary entertainment. 

Hook-ups will happen, I get it.  Did you know  that 51 % of the people who had hookups went into it hoping to start a romantic relationship?  And that about 10% percent of hookups lead to committed relationships ?  Moral of the story – even in hook-ups, choose wisely - (preferably without the beer-goggles) and read the fine print  on women because - Terms and conditions always apply.

Wheew, that was awkward right? Sadly I think that this is such a big topic, it deserves its very own section. Lets do a ‘Save the date’ for next week  (I’m SO laughing at you obviously cringing now – you have no idea. I can picture you going Jee-zuz  Chr-st  Superstar - there’s MORE??).

I’m not “shrinking” you baby, I’m just like  “sharing”  and now is when in this virtual state – I throw my hands wide and announce “Discuss!” 

But like – only if you want to or venomously disagree with anything or want to critique my lack of originality and creative flow - I LIKE debates!

In fact – I think we should debate all major topics! ONE . AT . A . TIME.

(True story, I haven’t even had a drop of wine!)

Anyway, I love you my son – you’re a good egg!

Mom